Heaven knows how bitter I am.

This was a lyric from Orange and Lemons’ Heaven Knows (Angel has flown). I’ve been pondering some time about how I would be happy with my current situation in life. I guess asking other people of what to do is not the answer. They can give me lots of ideas but I can never do it myself. Easier said than done, i may say. I am the only one who can understand myself and I am the one who can help myself. Friends are just there to back us up. But whatever, I am still finding my own way to cope up to this situation. I am still sad but now I am loving myself more, so I am barely breathing. I don’t even know why love needs the right time too. I am just afraid of coming to the right time but without the right love anymore. I am afraid of being left behind again. I am afraid of everything that could hurt me. Who isn’t? Please pray for me. I hope I’ll get by.

Breakeven

On an idle day, I usually sleep.┬áIt’s my own getaway from the pain I’m feeling because you. But now, I couldn’t sleep either because you also infiltrated my peaceful dreams and now a nightmare. I am halfway in wanting to sleep and wanting to wake. Where can I possibly put myself into? I hate this feeling. I hate the pain. I hate whenever my tears flow uncontrollably. I hate it when I remember you because I always do. All the things surrounding me, keep reminding me that you exist. That we exist. That we never worked out. That you left. That I’m left behind. That you moving on with your life. That I can’t even make a single step forward. That I still love you.